Why I hate girls -2

How Parents are responsible for failures in Marriages

A woman poster her query at some Indian Family counseling forum, regarding how her husband threatens her by the name of divorce after 25 years of marriage since, she became lazy( or weak??) after some hormone replacement therapy, she asked members to suggest her to gain energy and become active.

When will these women change their attitude?

To prove greatness of Indian Culture people often quote low divorce rates (1.1%) and compare with US( 50%), where half of the marriages are failures. If divorce rate is only way to measure success of marriage, yes Indian marriages are most successful in the world, but if you measure real success rates of Indian marriages (considering spouse violence, happiness, equality) definitely some other country will occupy the top spot.

Surprisingly, parents of bride and groom also support harassment of bride by groom. Let me put forth my analysis.

Role of parents of Female:

It is not uncommon in Indian parents to treat birth of female child as burden to them. 90% of parents think their duty is to just wait for 18 years, search a groom, marry her and bid adieu to her. And then onwards, her husband will be her god. The girls grows up in the same attitude and will bear any torture by her husband.

I agree that parents look for bright future of their children, but at the same time they much change their mind set that marriage is not sole aim of life, there are better things to marriage to look up.

Parents savings in India are meant for two uses, one for education of male child and marriage of their female child, by the time the girl enters 18 parents start search for grooms, once he child finishes her graduation, most probably she will be married. At 18, even though the child can’t decide to marry or not due to lack of maturity, she will end up in struggle. With in a year or two she will be gifted by a child or two, and she has to adjust with that mental and physical torture for her children.

Parents always stand with psychological support, but they never dare to suggest her a divorce. Their attitude is fixed, they give her enough confidence and support to bear spouse violence.

They even never try to warn her husband or husband’s parents.

They methodology they follow in searching is also full of faults, first of all they frame their budget and allocate some thing for dowry. And they look for grooms who are one step above they social and monetary status, then the groom parents hassle for dowry starts and if the social status of groom is good enough then the bride parents will do any thing for that. The social status of groom and his family history is of more importance than compatibility of their girl with that groom. With out looking or inquiring the mentality of boy, parents take decision with photos and dowry.

What about bride? she will be permitted to glance at the photo, but her decision is of least importance, “Kundali” is of more importance than her likes and dislikes. If “Kundali”is good enough then even her strong dis approval will be ignored.

Once match fixed, the parents of bride themselves decide that they inferior to groom’s parents, as parents of girl they have to satisfy groom, groom’s parents and even their relatives.

This attitude paves way for spouse violence after marriage, and even they force the girl not to resist that since as girl and as girl’s parents they have to obey her counterpart.

Such attitude sounds illogical, despite of strong educational background of bride’s parents and what ever may be the status of bride, she will be vulnerable to spouse violence and she will obey that.

Whats wrong with Groom’s parents:

As the groom and groom’s parents came from the same society and “Kyu ki saas bhi kabhi bahu thi” they want to show their domination. High respect shown by brides parents boosts their confidence and with such support they are able to violate laws easily.

What ever may be the reasons, the groom and his family want to take the revenge to suppression they faced previously. They take the advantage of silence from bride’s family, they demand more money more respect and every thing more. Some families pick girls from poor families especially for the same reason, more over she can’t dare to go back due to her poverty when compared to richness of her husband.

Such parents always tend to interfere small mis understandings between couple and they encourage their boy to harass her physically, with increase in support from his parents and silence from his in laws, he extends the violence, he even tend to kill her. If his parents resist to violence, he never dares to kill his wife, but in practice his parents encourage and even plan her killing.

Why one has to marry?

If parents want their child to live happily then they must discourage the violence, or harassment by any means.

After all we are human, even all animals know that male and female are equal, but as civilised we always tend to ignore this fact. Male or female both are equal, no one has right to demand high respect since they are parents of male.

Parents of groom must know the face that, they themselves destroy peace in their boy’s family, if he crosses limits and if the girl is bold enough he will in bars. The media and law isn’t sitting idle.

Parents of bride must stop treating groom with high respect and themselves as low as parents of girl. Let the child to choose the best, if they take that responsibility, don’t aim for grooms who are superior to them, more over they never did any crime by giving birth to a girl. Stop dowry oriented matches, dowry is the first stone which will spoil the peace in their girl’s life.

UPDATE :: Divorce rate in case of arranged marriages is 4% and overall 11%, so in every 1000 marriages 3-4 divorces for marriage arranged by parents and 6 or 7 divoraces in case of love marriages.